Top Democrats in Washington today called for Apple to replace it’s I-Phone fingerprint scanner with a Vaccination Passport scanner to mitigate the rising cases of the COVID-19 epsilon variant. They also want Android and Windows Phones (all 8 of them) to adopt 
these scanners in future phones. All phone manufacturers will be fined even before the law is passed until implementation of the scanners are finalized. Because they can. But, they’ll have to adopt the new law(s) to find out what the new law(s) are.
#FJB is expected to write a Presidential mandate for these changes by Wednesday next. If they can find the black crayon.
Failure to comply with these demands could lead to an increase in epsilon variant cases and possibly (buzzphrase alert) overtax our hospital systems so changes have to be made immediately just in case.
Apple replied publicly that the company would be glad to change the scanners IF the US Government will introduce a Bill to completely outlaw the Linux operating system for home or personal use and curtail sales of the Windows OS to overseas only for the next 50 years. AND a Presidential mandate that everyone quit complaining about the price and closed-source business model of Apple products.
“If we’d wanted you to be able to repair our shit, we’d have built it that way in the first place!” an Apple Rep said. “There’s no open source shit here. If you look up the word proprietary you’ll see the Apple Logo.”
Today, NO ONE knows why Democrats think this will work or what it’s supposed to be working for. A number of folks have attributed it to another Democrat Just Because We Can and plan to go about their normal daily lives if at all possible.
For unknown reasons, since the release of this news the hashtag #FuckYouToyota has gained popularity. Karen’s the USA over react in shock and awe.
Meanwhile, Democrats still oppose voter-ID laws in every State.
But don’t get me started.
Redneck Mormon 